Sunday, 8 May 2011

yati: (massive amounts of fail)
I posted my [community profile] ff_exchange fic with four hours to spare! >.>

To clarify, that is actually Not a Good Thing, mostly because of my perfectionist tendencies. I usually reread fics multiple times before posting, often after setting it aside for a couple of days, and this one didn't get the same treatment. I finished writing it around seven hours before the deadline, and spent the rest of the time polishing it and going /o\ at how I keep thinking it's perfectly adequate, but not great. The last month has been somewhat stressful and I've had too many things on my mind (god it's been so, so hard to concentrate on anything) and I've been writing the fic in a rather distracted fashion, not quite knowing what I really wanted to do with it.

Also this is the first fic I've written since last year's exchange (yes, this very same Doink! Final Fantasy Exchange) and I am so out of practice. It's alarming that it's becoming a pattern -- the last three things I wrote were all for Doink! and the only reason I finished those fics is because I committed myself when I signed up and I dislike the thought of defaulting. Perhaps the solution to this is to go join more challenges, but I'm afraid the persistent anxiety of wanting to please the recipient will kill me. I've always been more worried whether or not someone will like what I wrote for them more than anything else when it comes to fic exchanges. Deadlines and word counts don't particularly scare me, even though I've been known to use the latter as an excuse.

But it's done now, and posted, and I'm crossing my fingers hoping that the recipient will like it! Reveals are in less than a week.


Also: Moogle Fluff is open and you can participate even if you didn't sign up for the exchange!


---

Anyway. Between posting and riffling through folders with names that were mostly incomprehensible, I found a number of WIPs and ficlets and lines of dialogue from goodness knows when from a few different fandoms. I'm slowly sorting through these and trying to figure out what's worth continuing and finishing, and what should be considered as lost causes. There's one longish FFVIII fic -- more like a collection of scenes, rather -- that's been around for ages; it seems like the problem with it is I don't know whether or not I should break Squall and Rinoa up. (I think it was originally written for a challenge to "subvert your OTP" or some such thing; the notes to it are too vague for me to figure it out now.)

There's a Danny Phantom fic that's too angsty and has no resolution. There's a FFX/FFVIII crossover that's messy and convoluted, but I like the ideas in it even though I don't know which direction it's supposed to go now.

. . . I was quite surprised by some of these. A sort of bemused "I wrote that?" more than anything, especially when I realised that I had laughed while I was reading some of these things, and I wrote those and I have always been so critical of my own writing. I'm not even sure I can write like that any more.

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Yati

September 2013

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