yati: The TARDIS standing on a green field. (something borrowed)
There's a scrawl in my notebook, in my hand, written when I was only half-awake: It's not writer's block, it's just laziness.


My problem these days is this strange, overwhelming feeling of disconnect I have with everything. I find it increasingly harder to care about things, even those things I used to love. Perhaps especially the things I used to love. This makes me sad.

I can't write, reading has been something of a chore, and I just don't seem to have the energy to do the things I used to enjoy. I keep blaming work, but, despite it being more stressful than before, I actually have more time to myself these days. (Except when we get stuck in traffic jams. God, traffic jams. Why do they even exist. Where are the time machines? The teleportation devices? The Floo Network?)

I've not been very happy lately (but I've never been a particularly happy person) but I don't think I'm terribly unhappy either. I feel mostly apathetic about everything. A general lack of purpose? I don't know. Maybe.

So. Uh. This is me trying to be better.


Wednesday, 16 February 2011 09:46 pm
yati: (massive amounts of fail)
I am mostly just flailing around, trying to figure out how is it that everything seems to be spinning out of control.

I feel like throwing things and slamming doors. I'm not. Instead I'm cleaning up the house and wondering whether I should mop the floor. I don't even know what it is I am angry about. The car, yes, sure; I'd definitely feel better if it gets fixed faster and I have an actual mode of transport instead of looking pathetic and asking people to pick me up and drop me off. (That's part of the problem, see -- I've never liked asking for help, even when I know I need to, even when I know it would be better if I did.)

There's work tomorrow. I'll get there fine. There are cabs, buses, trains, little sisters. (None of them particularly accessible, but hey, a girl has to make do.) There are friends who are unspeakably awesome who don't mind having me underfoot for a week (and apparently for a couple more days. [personal profile] arianur is a superhero). This is not a ridiculous place to live -- it's the office that's a ridiculous place to work. It's in the middle of nowhere and I live way too far from it.

Just thinking about work is making me go :|. Maybe it's the long break. Going back to checking pages and scrutinising sentences doesn't appeal much after staying home for a while and reading fic and watching unhealthy amounts of television.
yati: A prinny (from the video game Phantom Brave) floating in the water. (we'll go with the river's flow)
My problem with life right now is this feeling of discontent that's looming over me. Looming. It's just there and it doesn't want to go away.

I wonder if it'll go away if I run around in circles, hmm.


yati: Flonne squishing Laharl (Disgaea) while waving one arm (Default)

September 2013


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